“But you know what’s really killing the World Series? The late starts. The games don’t begin until 8:37 p.m. EDT and they don’t end till long after millions of imaginary 8-year-olds have been marched off to bed, each and every one of them muttering, ‘I will never become a fan of baseball, and I will also never cure cancer or do anything else worthwhile with my life because I’m so embittered over being forced to go to bed while a boring, wet World Series game is on — between two teams I don’t care about, by the way, because neither one is the Yankees or Red Sox — and what I’m going to do is drop out of high school, hitchhike to New York and shack up with a by-then forgotten Olsen Twin, who would have stolen my youthful innocence if my parents hadn’t just stolen it by marching me off to bed with the World Series on, and can I have some water?’”
