The American Mustache Institute is making my life so much easier

So I got this statement from the AMI earlier in the day. Blogging is approximately 600 times easier when people just email you material like this.

The real hilarity, though, came in the email’s disclaimer. It didn’t belong on FanHouse, but I had to share it with the world (and by world, I mean the few of you who follow my Tumblr):

Disclaimer: AMI supports healthy, performance enhancing-free mustaches that contain no pesticides. Mustaches should be worn at the individual’s own risk, and AMI is not responsible for mustaches that make men look like child molesters or Dave Navarro. Wearing a “Dictator” mustache may lead to repeated beatings. Mustaches should not be worn by women who hope to find employment outside of waste collection or who are looking for male companionship. If your mustache causes you to have an erection for more than four hours, seek immediate attention from a doctor, spouse, girlfriend, or Dave Navarro. In extremely rare cases, mustaches may cause significant decreases in sexual activity, friendships, and approval by society at large. Unibrows, commonly referred to as “forehead mustaches,” are not recognized by AMI. AMI does not support chin coverage (i.e. beards, goatees) as they represent the “spousal compromise.” The vast majority of mustache wearers have highly positive responses from friends, exotic dancers and grade school teachers. AMI strongly encourages consulting a physician before exploring your personal mustache capabilities, as premature mustache growth may lead to feelings of despair and depression. AMI cautions against trusting clean-shaven officers of the law. If a mustache-free constable attempts to stop your vehicle, dial 911 and proceed to the nearest police station, where a squadron of heavily mustached officers will greet you with open arms. Please consider the environment before shaving your mustache.

*This was NOT sent from a Blackberry, as mustached Americans don’t own, nor have the ability, to operate Blackberrys.